Informant38

{well I put my foot in it yesterday. now I feel like a Martian again. I hate that. the unedited cause is here, though the real cause is more deeply woven. the immediate is my lack of sense, the idea that anything would be posted that was at least readable. but no. these are chat room alumni, with protocols and cultural biases that are as rigid and conservative as any country club's. I am right now this minute right here biting my tongue figuratively. it's so disgusting. the hippie version of that did the same thing to me back in the 70's. all these smug little counter-cultural agents. but cowards ultimately. so I can't get a real take on whether I fucked up or not. because they're so wimpy I'd feel contaminated by their praise. but right now I'm making my own little postings and pretending someone is there to read it. them.
all this hand-wringing over the 'antiquities' is, what do they call that on the couch, deflection? projection? one of those. and hey, I love art, artifacts, old things. though I did have a minor epiphany one day when I gave myself permission to say out loud I thought virtually all 'pre-Columbian' meso-American stuff was ugly. but here's the current thing, these antiquities are data mostly, some ornaments, some art, some prayers, but a lot of ancient books. these are bookish people. so there you go. neither better nor worse than moms decrying the deaths of so many Iraqi children. but the tears in Making Light are mostly for the things. and I'm only exploiting that for combat purposes, I'm numb, and I'm not even looking toward Iraq anymore. that's not what's going on now. Iraq is over. and what's coming is maybe a little more culturally irresponsible than the looting of the Baghdad museums. maybe.
but maybe it'll quiet down now, and stay that way for a long time.
what disgusts me most is the refusal of all these well-fed intellect-bunnies to confront whatever did what they so loudly lament.
what did it? who did it? well that was what I was trying to get to. not Bush, not even Sharon and all those behind the scenes manipulators. something bigger than all them I think, but something that needs them to do its work. something that wouldn't exist without a human presence. either that or it's all just a terrible mistake, a big mistake that just keeps going on and on, getting bigger and more terrible every day.}