Informant38

Dad, you mean for 50 years you�ve been passing for black?
Joseph admits that, strictly speaking, he has. But he�s not sure if he can or wants to do anything about that at this point. For all the lingering effects of institutional racism, he�s been perfectly content being a black man; it�s shaped his worldview and the course of his life in ways that cannot, and probably should not, be altered. Yet Joseph struggles to balance the intellectual dishonesty of saying he�s black with the unimpeachable honesty of a lifelong experience of being black. �What do I do with this information?� he says, sounding more than a little exasperated. �It was like finding out you�re adopted. I don�t want to be disingenuous with myself. But I can�t conceive of living any other way. It�s a question of what�s logical and what�s visceral.�
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The essay he thought the DNA test experience would prompt became a book that he�s already 150 pages into. He doesn�t seem to know how it�ll end. He�s in a kind of limbo that he doesn�t want and that I frankly wouldn�t wish on anyone; when I wonder aloud about taking the $600 DNA test myself, Joseph flatly advises against it. �You don�t want to know,� he says. �It�s like a genie coming out of a bottle. You can�t put it back in.�
�Erin Aubry Kaplan/L.A. Weekly 10.03-09.03